Not Just A Geek

2008-03-26T10:41:00.003-06:00

I think I hate this blog.

Okay, not really.

But I do think this blog might be bad for my self-esteem.

My original intent for this blog was to be a place where I could put all of my random ideas and thoughts that I thought were good enough to be placed in public (or semi-public) view. Well, I'm a very scattered person and as such my thoughts careen around in a some-what random fashion. I get really inspired to do something - or be someone - one day and then next it's gone. Which is okay when it's just thought. But once you take that thought and make it "flesh" - or in this case, a blog - then you have a sense of accountability. There are actual people reading my words and, in a small way, holding me to what I said I'd do. Which brings me to this confession:

I can't finish anything.

I can't count how many things I've started and never finished - craft projects, household projects, my education - or how many things I've always said I wanted to do and never even started for fear of not finishing them. And, I've come to realize that all this blog is accomplishing is emphasizing the fact that I haven't finished a darn thing. My podcast? Dead. Blogging every day for the month of November? Dead. Blogging everyday for a year? Soooooo dead. Blogging every day for March? Why do I even keep trying?

It's like a parade of my suckiness. A cavalcade of non-accomplishment. A promenade of procrastination.

Every day mocking me and constantly reminding me of what I have failed to do.

So, what do I do?

I enjoy blogging and having a place for my thoughts to roam free. But at the same time, I hate feeling guilty over the things I've said I'd do and haven't. So, I'm stuck - rock meet hard place. Maybe I should just accept that this is who I am. A person of grand ideas and really poor follow through. All thought and no action. All idealism and no honesty.

Or maybe I should get up off my butt and do something?

Where's the magic 8-ball when I need it?

BAM!

2008-03-24T18:20:00.003-06:00

I am not a master chef. I can handle most things that come in a box, pasta, and browning hamburger. Anything more complicated than that and it's a totally different ball game.

Well, last week I was at work and I got a craving for stuffed peppers. I wasn't entirely sure what actually went into a stuffed pepper but at that moment I figured it couldn't be that hard. So, I looked up some recipes and made one up based on two that I found that didn't sound too hard and I was off to the grocery store.

I have to say that I was pretty pleased with the result. There are a few things that I would change for next time around but all in all it turned out well. And they looked awesome! I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm like Emeril! BAM!!

Movies I've never seen

2008-03-15T12:24:00.002-06:00

1. Fight Club (well, I've never seen all of it - I tend to fall asleep)
2. Goonies
3. The Jungle Book
4. Schindler's List
5. Fatal Attraction
6. The Godfather (any of them)
7. Pulp Fiction
8. Lord of the Rings (any of them)

Cars I'd like to own

2008-03-14T20:10:00.001-06:00

1. Mini cooper

2. Prius

3. New Beetle Convertible

4. Smart Car

5. Del Sol

Cats in my house

2008-03-13T13:03:00.000-06:00

1. Benny - the first cat

2. Mimi - the littlest cat

3. Snarf - the new cat

Weird things about me

2008-03-12T10:57:00.001-06:00

1. I hate for my food to touch
2. I rub my eyebrows when I'm thinking or when I'm fidgety
3. When I get a bagel from Bread Company I get it bread sliced, then I put cream cheese on each piece to make sure I'll have enough, then I eat it
4. I make up nicknames for everything
5. I make sure the blankets are perfectly straight before I go bed
6. When I get out of the shower I dry my hair first, then work my way down my body so I won't drip and have to re-dry something

I guess that's enough of my neurosis out for everyone to see!

Stuff I know how to do

2008-03-11T16:23:00.000-06:00

1. sing
2. crochet
3. cross stitch
4. bake
5. sew (sort of)
6. record and edit audio
7. design a crappy html website
8. drive

I'm sure I know how to do more than eight things, but I just can't think of anything else. But hey! - eight things isn't to bad. :-)

States I've been to

2008-03-10T14:42:00.000-06:00

1. Missouri
2. Illinois
3. Indiana
4. New York
5. Colorado
6. Kansas
7. Ohio
8. Michigan
9. Iowa
10. Minnesota
11. Wisconsin (if a three hour layover counts)

Cool Restaurants

2008-03-09T19:14:00.002-06:00

1. Olympia
2. Pho Grand
3. Nortons
4. McGurks
5. Del Pietro's

Movies I like

2008-03-08T20:29:00.002-06:00

1. Equilibrium
2. Becoming Jane
3. Rent
4. Lucky Number Slevin
5. Help
6. Moulin Rouge
7. Tombstone
8. Serenity
9. Dogma

Jabba the Cat

2008-03-07T13:46:00.004-06:00

Oh my god - that's too funny. That cat is too fat for words!

Places I'd like to see

2008-03-07T13:09:00.002-06:00

1. Eiffel Tower

2. the ocean (any ocean)

3. the grand canyon

4. Africa

5. Washington D.C.

6. New York City

Things I want to learn to do

2008-03-06T20:53:00.000-06:00

1. play the piano
2. play the guitar
3. cook
4. knit
5. speak French
6. design websites
7. yoga
8. give a really good sermon

Favorite Bands/Artists

2008-03-05T20:53:00.002-06:00

1. The Beatles
2. Dave Matthews Band
3. Phish
4. Jethro Tull
5. Maroon 5
6. Joni Mitchell
7. Tori Amos

Favorite Food

2008-03-04T17:48:00.002-06:00

1. Mashed potatoes

2. Cracker Barrel Hash brown casserole

3. Oreo Cakesters - if you don't know what these are - you are missing out! They are like oreo cookies but cake! Go buy them . . . . NOW!

4. Hummus - mmmmm garbanzo beans

5. Galataboureko - I love Greek food. This is the best custard/honey/dough thing ever - it's even better if you heat it up.

6. Punch-bowl cake - Take a big yellow cake and mush it into piece in a big bowl, then add vanilla pudding and strawberries, mandarin oranges, bananas, and pineapples, stir, then top with big giant layer of cool whip. The best dessert ever!

I know that there are others things I like too - but I can't think of them right now. And now I really want Greek food. Mmmmmmmm.

I actually did something

2008-03-03T20:48:00.003-06:00

I actually made some good progress on my craft/crap room. Here's the photo proof!

Favorite Books

2008-03-03T20:22:00.002-06:00

1. Illusions - Richard Back
2. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff - Christopher Moore
3. Sweet Revenge - Nora Roberts
4. The Irresistible Revolution: Living Life as an Ordinary Radical - Shane Claiborne

My To-Do List for Today

2008-03-02T12:53:00.002-06:00

1. Go to church
2. Vacuum the house
3. Go through my clothes and decide what to get rid of
4. Work on cleaning up my craft/crap room

Doesn't that sound like fun?!?!

Favorite Websites

2008-03-01T08:51:00.002-06:00

Today is March 1st and that means it's the beginning of yet another attempt to blog every day for a month. This month's theme is lists. So, every day for the month of March I will blogging with a different list. Today's list is Favorite Websites:

1. Craft Magazine This website and the magazine that goes with it is one of the most fun crafting related sites out there. I love seeing all the new things they find.

2. Boing Boing The folks who contribute to this blog have the uncanny nack for finding the strangest things on the internet and in the news.

3. Penny Arcade A blog and online comic drawn by geeks for geeks.

4. Wow Insider My one stop shop for all my World of Warcraft related news and goodies. (P.S. - I'm finally 70!)

5. Craftster Another really great craft website. Basically just a giant forum where people can post all their crafty wares. I've gotten many a good idea from this site.

6. Treehugger This site is great for all the latest in green news.

7. Grist Magazine Another great green website. They have some really in depth but easy to understand articles and everything you could ever want to know about being green.

8. Flickr A great photo-sharing site. I love being able to look at snippets of people's lives.

Coolest Cake EVAR!!!

2008-03-01T08:31:00.002-06:00

This woman is my hero. This has to be the coolest cake I've ever seen. You too can make your very own Yoda cake by following the directions here.

Beating a Dead Horse

2008-02-16T11:01:00.002-06:00

I guess I fell of the wagon of blogging every day for 365 days. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that the wagon exploded and I was flung through the air and smacked into the side of mountain Wily E Coyote style.

You would think with my lack of success with the November NaBloPoMo and then with Blog365 I would have learned my lesson and I would stop jumping on board for these type of challenges.

BUT NO!

The lovely folks of NaBloPoMo have decided to set up monthly challenges centered around specific themes. So for the month of March the goal is to blog every day and the theme is Lists. So, I will be attempting to create a list of some sort for every day of the month of March.

I guess we'll see how it goes.

Too Funny!

2008-02-07T17:34:00.000-06:00

2008-01-26T07:36:00.001-06:00

You can find this picture and many others here. I find this crap hilarious. Every day I look at this website and fall into fits of giggles like a small child. Is is the animals? The crazy captions? I don't know, but it's pure gold.

Me like mess

2008-01-23T10:10:00.000-06:00

I am so poorly motivated I didn't even want to write this blog post.

I just can't seem to get going. It must be the weather. All I want to do is huddle under 10 blankets and read a book or sleep or play World of Warcraft (yes, you can play WoW under the covers - don't ask how I know.). But there are things that need to be done - things that I want to get done and I just can't seem to make myself do any of them.

What are those invisible things that motivate us? And am I completely immune to them? Maybe I'm just so comfortable with who I am as a person that I don't fall into those things that typically trap and motivate people - guilt, disgust, shame, a desire to better myself. I'm okay with how I look (well, okay enough not to do anything about it), my skill set (who needs to learn how to play the guitar that's sitting in the corner), and with the fact my craft room looks like a epileptic tornado hit it (we can just close the door and no one has to know). I like me and that's enough.

Okay - so maybe that's all a big pile of crap and I'm just REALLY lazy. Who knows? The point is . . . well, I'm not sure what the point is. Maybe sometimes you have to make yourself do stuff even if you're okay with your . . . . bulk, intelligence, and filth. Maybe you'll be an even better person because of it. Maybe.

Maybe not.

The Slime

2008-01-21T19:08:00.000-06:00

So, I definitely missed a few days. Did you miss me?

I'm sitting on my couch watching the new American Gladiator and I miss the writers. I understand the reason for the strike, but DAMN! I'm tired of watching crap TV.

Of course I could always take the opportunity the writers strike has afforded me to do something productive. Like cleaning out my craft room or actually working on a craft or reading one of the many books I received for Christmas. But all that requires effort and tonight I just feel like sitting on my couch and watching crap TV and complaining about it.

I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed and deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guess me yet?

I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set

You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold

That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial

Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, look at me go

- I'm The Slime
Frank Zappa

2008-01-13T15:11:00.000-06:00

A man, probably in his late 60s, got baptized at my church today. It was a great service - good sermon, great hymns, some good testimonies on the wonder and excitement that is baptism - and it ended with a potluck full of casserole-y goodness.

I wonder what would inspire someone to get baptized so late in life. This man has been attending church in one fashion or another for a long time. He's been married to a member and active priesthood member. Why now? What changed?

I envy him, really. My baptism was so long ago (I was 10, I believe) that I hardly remember it. And I had no idea, really, what I was doing at the time. It was a meaningless gesture done because I wanted to be able to eat communion during church. I envy the chance to be able to make such a public and conscious choice to follow the divine. Not that I need the spectacle of it - but grand commitments like baptisms (and like weddings, ordinations, etc. . . ) tend to put things into a different perspective. And, sometimes, a perspective change can be an amazing thing.

I think people should wear signs around their necks stating the things that they have committed too. Think of how awesome that would be! We'd see people walking down the street wearing signs that say "I'm going to work out more" or "I'm going to call my friends once a weeks" or "I'm not going to play so much World of Warcraft" or "I'm going to recycle more" or "I'm going to pray for a different person every day." Think of how supportive we could be to our fellow man if we knew what was important to them and what they had committed to?

And don't worry - the irony of the fact that I started the year (and this round of blogging) off by talking about how I don't like new years resolutions and now all I seem to be talking about are resolutions in some shape or form - is not lost on me. But what can I say? I go where the creative wind takes me.

Until tomorrow my pretties.

Podcast Update

2008-01-12T09:04:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a while since I've talked about what podcasts I'm listening to so I thought I would feature one today.

A while back I talked about the J.C. Hutchins trilogy 7th Son. Well, I just recently finished listening to Book 3: Destruction and it freaking rocked my socks off! It was action packed and full of all the intriguey goodness I've grown used to from Hutch. It was an awesome end to truly amazing trilogy.

And for all of you non-podcast people out there (Does such a thing even exist?!) J.C. has accepted a book deal to publish 7th Son Book 1: Descent with St. Martin's Press! Right now it's slated for a spring/summer release in 2009. So, now you too can have J.C. Hutchins on your bookshelves. It's super exciting and says a lot about the growing power of podcasting.

So, if you can't tell I highly recommend the 7th Son Trilogy. You can find it here:

7th Son Trilogy

Put this baby on your iPods, folks. You won't be sorry.

Techtard

2008-01-11T20:25:00.000-06:00

I should not wait until 8:25 to create my blog post. I have nothing to say by 8:25. I'm talked out.

Today was the most technologically frustrating day. Everything I touched turned to crap. I'm going to hide in a hole and read a book - you know, one of those things that they print on real paper? No electronics!

Double Digits

2008-01-10T18:27:00.000-06:00

So, I've made it 10 days (hehe) woooo whoooo.

I don't have much to say today. It's back to feeling like January around here again.

Blah.

Doctor Day 2

2008-01-09T18:53:00.000-06:00

I had another fun and exciting doctor's appointment today. I can't say much - or anything at all really - but it was exciting.

Things are going to get interesting around here.

Color me unhealthy

2008-01-08T18:17:00.001-06:00

So, I had a doctor's appointment today. Nothing big - I'm fine. Just a check up with a new general practitioner.

The most through check up ever!

He looked at my skin (to make sure I don't have skin cancer), he listened to my breath (for multiple reasons), he had me drink from a cup and felt my throat as I swallowed (who knows why), felt my feet (again, no idea), made me hold out my hands (to make sure I don't shake, or something), gave me a five minute lecture on all the reasons why I shouldn't be smoking, gave me tetanus shot, made me pee in a cup, and asked a MILLION questions!

The end result?

I need to quit smoking, I'm overweight, I need to eat better, exercise, and I might be hypoglycemic. I have to go back for a blood test on Friday morning after fasting for 12 hours (otherwise known as sleeping).

So, yay fat ass, unhealthy me.

Summer in January

2008-01-07T21:50:00.000-06:00

It was 70 freaking degrees outside today.

It absolutely amazed me how quickly people jumped back into summer clothes today. I saw more shorts and flip flops today than I see during the peak of the summer. How crazy is it that we live in an area of the world where it comes in handy to keep your tanks tops and the sweaters in the same drawer?

Gotta love global warming. Where's Super Al Gore when we need him?

Sunday

2008-01-06T12:23:00.001-06:00

It's kind of hard to remember to do this on the weekends.

So, I preached today at church. It went pretty well. There was a lot going on in the service - a baby blessing, communion - so the focus wasn't totally on me - which was nice.

I talked about the magi and how they followed the star because they were seeking God - and that we all are seeking God in one way or another - that we all want to experience something worthy of awe. It probably would have been better if I hadn't had to go pee the whole time.

Today is a rare beautiful day in January. I have no plans and that's the way I like it.

I know a lot of people probably read my blog who don't comment on it (I know because I do that on many other blogs myself) - friends, family, and strangers. I wish you all a lazy Sunday, happiness, and a good book.

To much going on

2008-01-05T22:24:00.000-06:00

I am busy writing my sermon for tomorrow. I have no good thoughts for my blog.

Stuck in my head

2008-01-04T13:06:00.001-06:00

I just recently saw the movie Once. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it. It's an independent film that's being tagged as a musical - but not sure I would call it a musical. It's about these two people who meet and then make a demo record. Now of course there's more to it than that, but that's the simplified version. During the course of the movie there is a lot of music involved because that's what they are doing - making music. So, it's more of a move with music in it.

Crappy synopsis aside -this movie captivated me. I've been thinking about pretty much non-stop since I saw it last Saturday night. I went out and bought the soundtrack and it's all I've played in my car since. I'm not sure exactly what it is about this movie that has me so enthralled - but I can't get it out of my mind. So, I share with you. These are the lyrics to a song called "Gold." It's one of my favorites.

And I love her so
I wouldn't trade her for gold
I'm walking on moon beams
I was born with a silver spoon
And I'm gonna be free
I'm gonna be free
I'm walking on moon beams
and staring out to sea

and if a door close
then a road for home start building
and tear your curtains down
for sunlight is like gold

And you better be you
And do what you can do
When you're walking on moon beams
Staring out to sea
Cause if your skin was soil
How long do you think before they start digging
and if your life was gold
how long would you think you'd stay livin'?
Hey

And I love her so
I wouldn't trade her for gold

My Shame

2008-01-03T15:54:00.000-06:00

Okay, folks. Here it is. The picture of my extra bedroom. I showed Nate (my husband) the picture after I took it and he said, "Oh honey, hide your shame." But here is for all to see. Perhaps this will give the motivation I need to actually do something about it.

Day 2

2008-01-02T08:21:00.000-06:00

I am a mess. Literally and figuratively. But for today lets discuss the literal. I am a pack rat. I save everything. I just know that someday I will need whatever it is I possess currently. I have just about every book I've ever owned; a giant pile of old clothes, cloth, yarn, and various other crafty things just waiting for me to whip up into something stunning; old programs from concerts and conferences . . . . you name - I save it. Except for weird things like fingernails and tinfoil. That's just not right.

Because of my pack ratty ways I'm kind of disorganized. I wouldn't generally call myself a disorganized person, but the sheer volume of stuff I own keeps me from being very organized. I have an extra bedroom in my house that has pretty much exploded with all my extra crap. I can't even really walk in there anymore and heaven forbid trying to find anything - you're more likely to find water in the Sahara or a bikini in the arctic. But here's the weird thing . . . I love organizational stuff.

You know - planners, folders, bins to put stuff away in, cork boards to hang stuff up - all of those nifty little things created to help us become more organized - I love them! In fact, some people say I have a slight addiction to them (but I have noooo idea what they are talking about). I love setting up a new planner - putting in the all the birthdays, and filling out the address pages - there is something about the promise of organization that makes the little anal retentive place in my heart sing. But I can't seem to ever stick with my systems. My room becomes cluttered again, stuff piles up in my inbox at work, and my planner gets abandoned after a few weeks - all of that promise gone.

I know I just said yesterday and I don't set new years resolutions, but I do think I'm going attempt to sustain my organization over the long term this year. I hope to get my horrible disaster scene of a room actually usable. I'll post pictures of the room tomorrow. And maybe I'll chart my progress on the room and the other facets of my life.

Well, off to work for now. Two days down baby!

2008

2008-01-01T17:12:00.000-06:00

Happy 2008! And Happy Blog365!

I hope everyone had a safe and happy news years celebration. Mine was pretty full of the excitement and drama as all good parties should be. I have lived to tell the tale and my headache has finally gone away.

I wonder about resolutions. Does anyone actually stick to the resolutions they set on new years? I don't. I find that the new year is not enough incentive for me to make a radical life change. Or even a mundane one. The turning of the clock from 11:59 to 12:00 does not suddenly inspire me to give up chocolate, or write more letters, or lose weight. How about you? Do you set resolutions?

Here's to a year of blogging success and much happiness!

:-P

2007-12-29T08:47:00.000-06:00

In spite of the vast amounts of support I have received from the few people who read my blog, I believe I have decided to attempt to participate in Blog 365. The rules for this wacky event are as follows:

Blog everyday for 365 days.

Feb. 29th is a Free Day and will be the Blog365 day of rest!

You do not HAVE to post to the same blog as long as you post everyday.

No internet? Write your post localy and post it once you are back on the grid.

Computer Broken? Grab some paper and do some old school blogging.

A post is a post, not everything has to be in writing. Photos, YouTube vidoes, and the like are all considered content.

Have fun, because that's the whole point!

So, there you go. Now everyone knows the rules. I'm kind of excited. I'm hereby calling 2008 The Year of The Blog!!

Insanity

2007-12-27T15:45:00.000-06:00

So, the creators of National Blog Posting Month have gone completely insane and decided to create Blog 365. You've got it folks - one whole year of blog posting. I think it sounds like a pretty cool idea. Of course, I couldn't make it through one month of posting everyday, so what makes me think I could handle 12 months?

What do you think? Think I have what it takes to post every day for a year?

sigh

2007-12-23T16:58:00.001-06:00

Today was not my day.

The day started well enough. Church was good - great singing and a good sermon. But it was pretty much all downhill from there.

As I was leaving church I noticed that my right front tire was really low so I decided to stop and put some air in it. Only, the nozzle on the air machine at the gas station I went to didn't seem to want to fit onto the thingy on my tire. The hubcap was also blocking the path to the thingy (does this thingy have a real name and I just don't know it?). So, I spent what felt like an eternity trying to get the nozzle to fit on the stupid thingy but all I seemed to do was to let more air out and get really dirty. So, now my tire is REALLY low. Meanwhile, a 4 car line forms behind me all waiting for the air. The wind is blowing and it's rather cold out and I've been squatting for a while now and I'm clearly having problems, but do any of the these lovely people all dressed in their Sunday best even think about getting out to help me? No. Of course not. So, I finally gave up, pulled into a parking spot, and called a friend to come rescue me. Which he did and I was back and moving on my journey.

Which took me to bread company - which was slammed. I was still upset from the whole car debacle and I found myself with very little patience with the woman behind the counter who needed me to repeat my order a billion times. I should have known to look at the receipt, but of course, I didn't. And surprise surprise - my chicken pomodoro sandwich somehow magically turned into a portobello mozzarella sandwich. And did I mention that I HATE mushrooms? And, before any of you asks, I did NOT get back up and have them fix it. I didn't have the fight in me. I just ate my salad and my bread and pouted.

After my lovely lunch I went to Kohls to finish up my Christmas shopping - which actually was quite successful. I found everything that I was looking for quickly and easily. People were nice and polite. As I was leaving the store, I was talking to my mother on my cell phone telling her about my bad day so far and somehow I managed to smack my head on the side of car as I was getting in. My head still hurts and I'm hoping that I don't end up with some lovely bruise as an early Christmas present.

So, there's my day for all those who care to know. I plan on spending the rest of evening camped on my couch. Hopefully, I'll be safe here.

Me and Buffy on Friday Night

2007-12-07T23:33:00.000-06:00

I have nothing productive with my mini-vacation

and I love it.

I played WoW all day (level 59 baby!) and now I'm sitting on my couch enjoying some lovely season 3 of Buffy.

Tomorrow I plan to be enjoying The Rock n Roll Craft Show.

And Sunday, I want to work on the podcast.

I'll report back and let you know how far along I get.

Love is forever.

2007-12-03T16:19:00.001-06:00

"Man has not yet learned to work for the joy of work, learn for the sake of growth, create for the expression and the exaltation in the act, or to love simply for the pleasure of loving: he still requires a reward. Until a man learns to do these things, hope will have to be his basic motivating force. In work, he'll require more wages and better titles; in knowledge, he'll require degrees and diplomas; in creativity, he'll require recoginition; in love, he'll require assurance. Until he appreciates that each of these are their own reward, he'll need hope as his crutch. There is nothing wrong with hope; it is simply the second best thing. For love goes beyond hope. Hope is a beginning. Love is forever."

-Leo F. Buscaglia from Love: What Life is All About

hmmmmmmmm

Oh, Blog, how I miss thee . . .

2007-12-03T15:13:00.000-06:00

I have nothing to say lately.

While you all revive yourself from the shock I just put you through, I will continue.

I attempted to participate in the National Blog Posting Month, but that initiative fell flat on it's face due largely to the fact that I was uninspired and completely creatively blocked.

My creative self needs a jump start. A refresher. A revival. A tent meeting complete with a riverside baptism and gospel chorus.

But where do I acquire that? How to I wake up my tired and weary soul in the midst of all the chaos and turmoil that is everyday life?

Let me know when you find the answer.

2007-11-21T21:10:00.001-06:00

Father, Mother, God,
Thank you for your presence
during the hard and mean days.
For then we have you to lean upon.
Thank you for your presence
during the bright and sunny days,
for then we can share that which we have
with those who have less.
And thank you for you presence
during the Holy Days, for then we are able
to celebrate you and our families
and our friends.
For those who have no voice,
we ask you to speak.
For those who feel unworthy,
we ask you pour your love out
in waterfalls of tenderness.
For those who live in pain,
we ask you to bathe them
in the river of your healing.
For those who are lonely, we ask
you to keep them company.
For those who are depressed,
we ask you to shower upon them
the light of hope.
Dear Creator, You, the borderless
sea of substance, we ask you to give to all the
world that which we need most--Peace.

-Maya Angelou

2007-11-06T21:11:00.000-06:00

NaBloPoMo is kicking my butt.

Monday

2007-11-05T21:30:00.000-06:00

Why are Mondays always so crappy?

Is it just the nature of what we do on Mondays that make them so bad?

Or have we prepared ourselves to expect Mondays to be crappy so they are?

Do we create our own crappy Mondays?

I hate Mondays.

Post-Halloween Party

2007-11-04T18:33:00.000-06:00

So, we had a Halloween party last night. It was a lot of fun - and a very late night. In all the hub-bub I totally missed posting to this blog for NaBloPoMo. However, I did manage to throw together another episode of Red on Green and I posted that on the show's blog. I'm hoping that the blog gods of NaBloPoMo will accept that as my blog post for yesterday. And if not, well that's okay, too. I'll just keep posting every day anyway.

It's only 6:30 pm here right now - but I am wiped. I think I'm going to zombie-out in front of the tv until I fall asleep. After I podcast, that is. :-)

I finally did it!!

2007-11-02T15:19:00.000-06:00

I am happy to announce that I've finally created my first podcast!!!

Red on Green - One redhead's take on all things green.

Along with taking part in NaBloPoMo, I also discovered NaPodPoMo (National Podcast Posting Month) and I decided that there was no time like the present (and the next 30 days) to get my podcast started.

So, for the next 30 days I'm going to be posting small green tips to make our lives a little more eco friendly and then I'll start the "official" podcast in December.

Find the website for Red on Green here.

Time to go work on my next podcast!!! (You have no idea how long I've wanted to say that!!)

NaBloPoMo 2007

2007-11-01T07:04:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the first of many (30 to be exact) blog posts for the month of November. I am participating in NaBloPoMo 2007 - National Blog Posting Month 2007!

The goal of NaBloPoMo is to post one blog entry every day for the month of November. Am I up to the task? You betcha!!!

NaBloPoMo is a spin off of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in which the goal is to write a novel in the month of November. There is no way I could write a whole novel in a month - I'll be lucky if I can accomplish a blog post everyday! But I get entered into a drawing for some spiffy prizes if I manage to stay inspired. So, keep the encouragement and good ideas coming!

If you're a podcaster and have some free time you might try NaPodPoMo. I thought about using this as the change to launch my podcast (and I still might) but it seems like WAY too much work right now. Laziness for the win!

Marcus Everett Drones

2007-10-22T09:07:00.000-06:00

My best friend has a baby. The cutest baby ever. Seriously. Seriously.

BABY!!!

2007-10-21T15:10:00.000-06:00

Holy shit!!!!

My best friend is having a baby! Like RIGHT now!! I can't believe it. It is totally freaking me out.

I know that fundamentally we will be the same people tomorrow. Except we will be plus one little baby boy. But things will still be . . . . different. They will never be the same and that's weird.

My life is full of babies right now. My brother is having a baby, too. My family is all abuzz with baby talk. And, of course, during any baby conversation it inevitably turns to me - when am I going to grace the family with a little me? I've been married for three years now. We have a house. It's the next logical step. Everyone else is having babies. Why not me?

Why not me?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I don't think I'm baby material. For a million reasons. But who knows? Perhaps one day I too will be huffing and puffing and pushing a little person into the world. And someone else can blog about it.

2007-10-20T09:37:00.000-06:00

"1st Agreement: Be impeccable with your word.

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip with others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

This is quote from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I own this book although I've never read it. However, after reading this quote I believe I will be reading it now.

I have always believed that words have power - that you can put something into being just by speaking it or thinking it. We are our own worst enemies but we also have the power to be our own best advocate.

Despite believing what I just said, I love to gossip. My nosy nature wants to know everything about everyone and I love to tell a good story - even if it's not mine. I also find myself crippled, on occasion, with a terrible self image and more often than not I am the cause of my own misery.

What would one day be like if I lived by Agreement 1? What would one whole day with no bad thoughts about a single person, including myself, no gossip, no self-loathing be like? Could I even do it? Does that ability even exist in me? I have to believe that I am strong enough to accomplish this. That I could, for just one day, be the person I pretend that I am. That I could use my words to only bring about good things. Would it change me? Would it make me more confident? Caring? Would I feel more connected to my surroundings?

I guess I'll never know until I try. Think good thoughts . . . . . . think good thoughts . . . . .

2007-10-15T08:17:00.000-06:00

What is it about Russian men that is so sexy?

There's a man taking an exam today in my office. He's in his late forties early fifties and he's not remarkable in anyway. He wasn't beaten with an ugly stick, but time hasn't been kind to him either. As soon as he spoke, however, and I heard that Russian accent he immediately became attractive . . . sexy.

A few years ago I was taking violin lessons from a Russian man in his late fifties early sixties and there is no other word to describe him but sexy. Like Sean Connery sexy. He would lean in close to adjust my finger position and he smelled of cigarette smoke and some expensive cologne. It would cloud my brain and distract me from what I was supposed to be doing. He smelled so foreign - so mysterious. When I got my posture just right he would place his hand on the small of my back and call me a beautiful princess. I couldn't understand half of what he was saying to me but it didn't matter - it was liquid gold.

And then of course there is Mikhail Baryshnikov. I had heard his name many times before I saw him for the first time on Sex and the City as Aleksandr Petrovosky. He is a remarkable man, but not necessarily an attractive man. In the show he played an artist who gets involved with Carrie (played by Sarah Jessica Parker). He's much older than her in the show, but yet again, there is just something there that makes him so incredibly sexy.

So, what is it that makes them so sexy? Perhaps is their lifestyle. Maybe it's the fact that their region, geographically, has had such hardship. Maybe it's a simply a matter of good genes. Maybe it's the vodka. I'll probably never know. But thank god for Russian men.

2007-10-04T19:53:00.001-06:00

I feel lost

like I’m drifting on the currents at the whim of the wind

the oh so fickle and unpredictable wind

I have no path

no direction

as soon as I settle one place

the wind picks me up again

and I’m gone

floating somewhere

to do something else

never anchored

never settled

never home

lost

forever

to the wind

Update

2007-09-28T22:40:00.000-06:00

Hello to anyone who is still checking this (all two of you).

It's been a while since I've posted anything of any substance, so I'll clue you in to what has been happening in my life.

My office expanded and relocated. My job duties also expanded. I am now the boss of five people instead of one, as before. We see many more testers in a day than we used to and I have a lot more paperwork to do. I haven't really gotten the hang of it yet. I feel like I'm always scrambling to get stuff done and each day, instead of getting more accomplished, my list of "to-dos" gets longer and longer. I hope this will change with time and I will become more comfortable and confident in my position. I also got Test Center Administrator of the Year - which is a nice pat on the back for all my hard work. I wonder if it comes with a bonus?

I'm back at church on a regular basis and it's like I never left. I'm trying not to let it consume me as much as it did before, but I'm discovering that that is hard for me to accomplish. My love for my congregation runs deep and I want to be an active participant in furthering the spiritual life of these people I care so much for. They are all family to me and I can't make myself take that step back that might save my sanity. I can only hope that as I mature and grow in my faith that I will be able to find a balance that meets everyone's needs - including my own.

My brother and his wife are having a baby. I am both equally excited and sad by this. Our relationship is not what it should be, for many reasons. There have been many missteps and bad decisions on both sides. Progress is being made, however, and I hope it continues.

My best friend is also about to burst forth life (some time in Oct). Everyone is having babies around me. Where is mine? I could not be happier for her and the little life she is creating. But I can't help but wonder if that is a path that will ever be mine? All signs are pointing to no (due to my lack, unfortunately) and a very elemental piece of me mourns that loss.

Next week is my three year anniversary with Nate. I continually find myself amazed that I am married to such a wonderful, funny person who puts up with way to much of my shit. I'm more grateful than anyone could know that I have found a person so loving, intelligent, and dedicated to spend my life with. I am not always an easy person to be with and I commend Nate for not booting me out the door yet.

School is . . . . school. I only have one more year to go and every moment is killing me. I know, deep inside, that this is something that I have to do to feel like a whole person. But the time it takes up is excruciating. Some days I feel that the only lesson I've learned is how to force myself to sit down and do something I don't want to do. And maybe that's enough. I wish it didn't cost so much though.

So, I guess that's me in a nutshell right now. Thanks to all for continuing to be my friends and support me even though I never call or email or see you. You are all more precious to me than you'd realize and at times like this (midnight on friday, sitting on my porch, feeling reflective) I cherish the fact that I am lucky enough to have people who love me in my life.

"To obtain a bird's eye is to turn a blizzard to a breeze."

Random Stream of Consciousness

2007-09-13T10:10:00.000-06:00

So, I have been a bad blog mommy lately.

Too bad.

I'm tired today. I'm tired and I have no creative things to say.

I bought a guitar! It's awesome. My fingers hurt.

I'm hungry. And I want a cigarette.

I am bona fide
and classified
stratified
placed aside
demystified
oven fried
not one to hide

L8tr!

A picture is worth a 1000 words.

2007-09-04T20:43:00.000-06:00

I'm not feeling very wordy tonight. But, apparently, I am feeling photogenic. Enjoy some pictures I took of my favorite subject ... ME!

Why I hate the media.

2007-09-01T13:36:00.000-06:00

I won't grossly generalize. I don't really hate the media. Perhaps I should have called this post "Why I hate Tucker Carlson." Are you asking yourselves, "Why do you hate Tucker Carlson, Jessie?" Well, my pretties, watch this:

This man is in a position of power in our national media. A man who speaks of beating someone so casually and thinks it's quite funny. It just so happens that the man that Carlson spoke of is gay. So, now civil rights people everywhere in an uproar about Carlson's "gay-bashing." I personally don't think it matters one bit whether the man was gay or not. What's important here is that now we know what kind of people are in charge of our media. It's time for some serious change here.

And now, in closing, why I love Jon Stewart:

Saving the World One Monitor at a Time

2007-08-17T10:13:00.000-06:00

I recently changed my blog background to plain black. This is not a reflection of my mood, but it is, in fact, an energy saving move. I read somewhere (and I'll find the link soon) that if you change your background to black the monitor will use less energy than if they background is a lighter color. I think that only works for the standard monitors - not flat screens or laptops - but hey, every little bit helps.

525,600 Minutes

2007-08-15T09:57:00.000-06:00

As of yesterday my grandpa has been dead for one year. (I tried to think of a less blunt and possibly less harsh way of putting it, but it is what it is.)

"December 24, 9 pm, Easter Standard Time. I can't believe a year went by so fast."

Some days it feels like it's only been moments since I last spoke with my grandpa. Others, it feels as if he's been gone for so long he's a blurry memory in the back of my mind. My grandpa was the first person of any great consequence in my life to die and it's been interesting to see how this loss has affected my family. Some of us have grown closer and others have created a chasm of pain, anger and bitterness so large that one cannot see the people on the other side.

Grandpa knew he was going to die. He had cancer and had consciously decided not not fight it anymore. He was being treated by a hospice and was planning for the end of his life. He did not want a wake or a viewing. He choose to be cremated and to not have his ashes kept. We held a memorial service a week after he died and then he was gone. The mature, logical side of me knows that my grandpa is always with me - in my memories and in my heart. I know that I do not need a physical tangible reminder of his life. But then there is the purely emotional, often times illogical side of me that needs to have that physical connection - something I can hold, touch, see that will remind me - that will keep me from forgetting how important he was to so many people.

My grandpa always was, and will remain, primarily a mystery to me. He was a quiet man who worked hard. I got glimpses into his mind and his heart as we both aged and matured. Those times were few and greatly treasured.

I miss him.

Summer's End

2007-08-08T19:52:00.000-06:00

Did you ever notice how when you are a kid you use the school calendar to mark time? How your life was ruled Christmas (they weren't using the PC "winter") vacation, spring break, and summer vacation?

I find it interesting that even has an adult with no children I still, on some level, mark time in the same fashion. When summer begins I feel as if work should be ceasing and all responsibilities should be lifted and when the school supplies start hitting the shelves and the fall clothes appear on the racks I find myself hunkering down and readily picking up new responsibilities and attacking old ones with an unknown fervor.

This summer has gone far to quickly. There was so much more that I wanted to do, to see, to get organized before life got hectic and crazy again. But here I sit at summer's end being thrust back into responsibility, into life. I am eager for what is to come, but I miss summer already and wait expectantly for her return.

My Bandaid Smells Like Tacos

2007-08-06T13:57:00.000-06:00

I am:

A daughter
A wife
A granddaughter
A niece
A soon to be aunt
An employee
A manager of an expanding office
A priesthood member
A full time student
A homeowner
A friend
A wanna-be podcaster
A blogger
A crafter
A mover
A shaker and
A smock maker

Pieces of me. Fragments of my mind. I am these things and more. Much much more. I am limitless possibility. I am the fresh start. I am the walrus. I am everything I ever was and everything I can ever be all at the same time. I am a hummingbird, and a gerber daisy, and a pink flamingo. I am me, and you, and everything that has breath, and everything that doesn't.

I am.

Real Life Sucks

2007-08-03T15:09:00.000-06:00

I wanna go back on vacation.

You know what's so great about vacations? True vacations are free from bills, from responsiblity, from worry, from having to do the dishes, from work, from stupid annoying people at work, from school work, from feeling inadequate, from feeling spiritually bereft, from fulfilling family obligations. A true vacation leaves you completely free to do and think as you please - to let your mind and body wander wherever they choose to go.

But then you come back. You feel different, you think you're different - but then you find out that you are the exact same person as before and all your shit has been waiting for you, perhaps piling up, for your triumphant return. I miss vacation-me already. She may have been sunburned, but she ate better, and spent more time outside, and got more exercise, and tried new things, and didn't need to check her email ever 2 minutes, didn't need to have cell phone reception at all times, didn't need for every moment of every day to be occupied with . . . . crap.

I left vacation-me at the airport. I picked up my "baggage" and left her there, wearing her cheesehead, riding the luggage carousel.

Back

2007-08-01T08:39:00.000-06:00

So, I had this great plan to update you and all the wickedly exciting things that I did every day on my vacation - but it turns out that I didn't have internet access hardly at all (what, no wifi in middle of the woods?) and I was too busy doing wickedly exciting things to stop and write all about it.

So, too bad. Here's my trip in a nutshell:

Lived in the woods, pooped in an outhouse, went to the beach, saw lots of water, ate a lot of organic food, got sunburned, lots of layovers.

The outhouse

This says it all

My feet in water and sand!

The beach!

Check out my sunburn!!

Vacation Day 1

2007-07-26T14:30:00.001-06:00

This has been the longest day EVAR!

I woke up this morning at 2:30 being too anxious to sleep and then I was haunted by visions of the 7th Harry Potter book and I could not get back to sleep. I finally gave up at 3:10 and got ready to start my journey.

My first flight, to O'Hare, was suppose to leave at 6:00 am. We sat on the runway for an hour due to storms in Chicago and didn't leave until 7, arriving at O'Hare at 8.

My connecting flight to Marquette was scheduled to leave at 9 am, but kept getting more and more delayed. They cancelled three different flights while I sat there praying that mine wasn't next. Finally at 10:45 I got on the smallest plane I've ever been on and was on my way.

I am now sitting in deja vu land as Carrie (the friend I came to visit) works. She works for the same company I do, so it's pretty much like being at work - except I'm not doing anything . . . . okay, so it's not that much different at all.

I'm sleepy and hungry and am looking forward to tomorrow when there are no planes and no airports and no stupid Harry Potter related dreams (I hope).

Did you know that the O'Hare has a jewelry store?! A jewelry store!! In an airport! Crazy.

Another Year

2007-07-23T08:29:00.000-06:00

Today is my birthday. I've had a weekend full of birthday related fun and WAY too much food so today seems kind of anti-climatic. I work all day and I don't really have any plans for tonight - but I think that's a good thing. It will give me some time to just relax and reflect on my 25th year of life and plan for the 26th.

Yep, that's what I do on my birthday (at least, to some degree). I think it's a better time to readjust and start new things than New Years. I don't set resolutions, per se, but it's more like a goal planning session - What do I want to get accomplished in the next year?

What do I want to get accomplished in the next year? I want to be more spiritual. I want to set aside some regular allotment of time each week to spend in spiritual pursuits. I want to be more healthy. I need to get out and do more stuff outside. I'm the least active 26 year old I know. I don't want to be a body builder or have rock hard abs (although I wouldn't complain if they just suddenly appeared on my body!) but I want to be able to do yard work without feeling like a was just beaten by an angry mob. I want to be better about doing housework and all those things that need to be done - but suck greatly. I want to be a better friend and a better wife. That's all! :-)

This past year was a good one. I bought a house, got a promotion, got my braces off, friends got married and had babies. Life can always be improved - but 25 was a good year. I hope 26 yields more of the same.

Here's some pictures:

The Best Man and Matron of Honor (man, matron sound really old!)

All the bride's maids. Who's that cute redhead?!

Breakfast at Bob Evans. Braces free and happy to be eating eggs.

Hell Hath No Fury

2007-07-18T07:42:00.000-06:00

I hate being a cliche.

I like to think of myself as different, not stereotypical, a person who marches to the beat of a different drum. Yet, here I am, about to embark upon an activity that is known for being hated and I wish that I could say that I was one the rare few who found this endeavor to be most enjoyable. But, alas, today I will put on my hat that says, "I am just like everyone else" and loudly proclaim:

I hate swimsuit shopping.

And that is exactly what I have to do this evening.

Apparently Marquette, MI has beaches (I really need to brush up on my US geography) and when you go to beaches you need a swimsuit. I do not own a swimsuit. I am an Irish, pasty white, red head. Me and the sun are not friends. I taught myself how to swim and the best I can accomplish on a good day in the water is not dying. So, perhaps, you can see why I do not currently own a swimsuit.

But I've never been to a beach. And this whole trip is about going outside of the box - my comfort zone - and doing things a little different. I guess that includes a swimsuit. But I'm not going shopping alone. Oh no. I'm taking reinforcements. One of the few people who will actually tell me that the plaid bottoms make my butt look like a sumo wrestler playing golf - my mother. I can always count on my mother for an honest opinion - whether I want it or not. And best of all, she'll buy me pie to drown my sorrows in when it's all said and done.

I love my mommy.

Blocked

2007-07-17T10:47:00.000-06:00

I've been having a hard time posting lately. I've started multiple posts only to stop half way through. Nothing seems important enough to share with the masses (perhaps it's just one mass). I think I'm in a funk.

There's the woman, Leann Mabry. She has a podcast called Tag in the Seam. You should really check it out. It's funny, insightful, and very clever. I love it. Well, Leann has recently gone through some serious shit. I don't know the details, but she laid her emotions and her pain out for everyone to see and hear on her podcast and on her blog. At times, I felt as if I was intruding on private moments not meant for my eyes. But they were. They were meant for everyone's eyes. I can only assume that sharing her pain with everyone in such a graphic way is part of her process of dealing. It intrigues me. I wonder if I have the ability to be so open with my life - or if I even want to?

A few weeks ago I was resolved and determined to change some fundamental things in my life. I haven't gotten very far with that. I've made a few attempts and they've failed miserably (I'll save those stories for another post). I know I'm close to being that person that I want to be - but it's like a Cheeto that bounces under the couch that you can't reach - you want it so badly (who doesn't want Cheetos?) but just can't quite get to it.

I'm going to visit a friend in Marquette, MI in a few weeks. She's a Buddhist and we are going to house sit for friends of hers who live "off the grid." No running water, an outhouse, and gas lights. This trip has the makings for a real spiritual retreat. I haven't been on a plane since high school, and I've never been to MI or seen the Great Lakes. I'm excited about the trip. I'm excited to see my friend. She's one of those few real people out there. She's amazing. I hoping between being with her and being in such a . . . . . . removed . . . . . setting, I might be able to figure some things out. Find some peace.

But, really? An outhouse? What am I thinking?!?

Boring Monday

2007-07-09T13:18:00.000-06:00

Blah.

Lots and lots of blah.

I have made no progress on the whole "new me" front. I've made some attempts - but no progress.

I found this yoga/meditation/nutrition place online that was offering a Mind-Body Stress Reduction class and it sounded amazing. Everything that I was looking for. Yoga, meditation, stress management, a little retreat, pamphlets, cds . . . . all kinds of goodies. So, I showed up for the orientation session that was posted on their website and no one was there. It was non-existent. Apparently there was not enough interest so they canceled the summer class. So, I left, got completely soaked in the torrential downpour, and wallowed in my failed attempt at creating a new me.

After a few days of sulking I picked myself up and decided that center couldn't be the only place like that in St. Louis. So, I found another place - again online - and I sent them an email (so I didn't show up to nothing again) explaining a bit about me and what I'm looking for. After three days the email got returned.

And that's where I am. Canceled class, returned email, no progress made towards . . . anything.

Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I'm not supposed to be looking for new things - maybe I'm supposed to be doing what I always do - only better.

Or maybe I should just quit looking for places online. Maybe that's my problem. I need more face time and less keyboard time.

Blah.

I Comply I Comply I Comply

2007-07-04T08:06:00.000-06:00

I must record today. I MUST. I have to get my voice on digital waves and saved safe and sound in my computer. It's a compulsion. I don't know what I'm going to say. It will probably never be placed into these tubes we call the internets, but I have to express myself. Some way, some how. There are pieces of myself that I NEED to share and they are ripping and tearing and clawing their way out of me like last night's bad Chinese.

Happy 4th all. If you need me I'll be carthiting (Is that a word? Did I just make up my own word?).

Also, if you don't get the reference in the title then you must go listen to J.C. Hutchins's 7th Son trilogy. You are missing out on internet greatness.

Another reason why I wish I lived in Chicago

2007-07-03T07:38:00.000-06:00

For the upcoming release of the The Simpsons Movie 7-11 had turned select locations into the Kwik-E-Mart from the cartoon. This one is located in Chicago.

Anyone up for a drive?

Self-taught vs. Classroom?

2007-06-27T07:33:00.000-06:00

This is a debate I have with myself often. I am a learner. I find great pleasure in learning new things. But with a life chock full of responsibilities I don't have much time for classroom learning the way I used to, so I have been forced to explore other avenues of learning.

I am currently attending Ellis College. Ellis is the online portion of the New York Institute of Technology which is a typical, "brick and mortar" college with a few campuses in various locations in New York. Through lots of life circumstances (and a few bad decisions on my part) I was unable to pursue a typical college education right out of high school. Now, with a house, two cars, and various other bills, working a full time job is essential, which left me unable to attend college during the day. There are a few universities in my area that offer evening bachelors degree programs, but most them were very specialized (i.e. business) and would take me so long to do that I would be 50 before I had my degree. I decided at that point that online was my only viable option.

Online learning can either be horrible or great, depending on the institution. Ellis tries very hard to make their online learning environment as interactive as possible. It is one of the best online learning institutions that I have encountered. But, online learning still has its faults. It is a very self-motivated venture. If you are the type of person who needs someone looking over your shoulder and reminding you to get stuff done, then I do not recommend online learning.

I am also teaching myself web site design from various books. This has proven to be a much more difficult thing that I originally thought it would be. Turns out that most books on this subject are so confusing I feel like I'm reading a foreign language. I have managed to find a few that are easy to understand and I'm enjoying the progress I'm making in that area (which, in all honesty, isn't much - but you gotta start somewhere right?).

My whole point of this rambling on is this: What do you loose, from the education experience, when you don't learn in a classroom with other people and an informed instructor?

I'm wondering because I want to start practicing yoga. I need to be doing something physical and I also need to learn how to be calm and tap into the more spiritual aspects of universe. I've always been fascinated with yoga, but could never bring myself to get started. Now I'm ready to tally forth into the great blue yonder, but I have a dilemma:

Do I take a class somewhere or do I buy a book, or a DVD, or use one of the millions of free online resources?

If I take a class that will cost money. And I can probably only afford to go once or twice a week (if that) and I would have to fine time to fit that into my schedule. But I will have the benefit of motivation (I am paying for it after all) and of having someone physically there to tell me if I'm doing something wrong. If I go with one of the other approaches, it's a one time (or a no-time) cost and I can do it when it fits into my life. But I won't know if I'm doing something incorrectly or when I'm ready to move on to something more difficult. I would be at the whim of people who can't see me.

So, I can't decide what to do and that annoys me.

If I Had a Million Dollars . . . .

2007-06-26T14:53:00.000-06:00

I love the Barenaked Ladies!!!

But really . . . . I need money.

Okay, okay. I don't need money. I would like money. There are just too many things that I want to buy right now. And it is making me INSANE!! So, I thought I would share my insanity with you and list all the things I want:

By the way, this list is not in order of desire.

1. A guitar. I want an acoustic guitar. I want this one:

It's a smaller than normal sized guitar (like my exactness there?) which is good because I'm a smaller than normal sized person. It retails $148.

2. A piano. (Can you sense a theme here?) I love music and I want to become more masterful at making music. Here's the piano I want:

It retails $399. It's not a baby grand or anything fancy. Maybe most true piano aficionados would look down at my digital dream. But I'm not a piano snob (not yet, at least) and this would make me happy.

3. Mac OS Tiger. (And you thought there was a theme) Nate's laptop recently died and I ever so graciously offered him my toshiba tablet pc. (Aren't I saint?) This means I that I have to return to my iBook G4. Not a problem really except for the fact that the hard drive is WAY to small for what I need and it's a little outdated. So, I want Tiger.

This goes for $129.

4. And finally I want an iPhone.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want an iPhone. I have dreams about this phone. This phone has been wooing me for months and now I want it!!! And of course I don't want the puny 4GB version. I want the monster 8GB version. This would set me back $599.

The grand total for all the things I want right now is . . . . WAAAAAAYYYYYY more than I have right now. :-(

But, you know . . . . my birthday is coming up soon . . . .

Holes in my head.

2007-06-25T09:33:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been in one of those piercing/tattoo places? I went to one on Friday night and it was quite an experience. It was swarmed with people all looking to get tattooed or pierced in some fashion. It was infectious. You couldn't be in there for more than five minutes without wanting to join in the fun . . . . but maybe that's just me. So, I acted impulsively (who me?!?!) and did this:

And I love it. It doesn't hurt at all. And I might be going back for more. I love self-expression!!!!

Instantaneous Book Review

2007-06-23T10:13:00.000-06:00

I love words. I love hearing words, reading words, and expressing words - either spoken or written. Words shape our communication, give it depth and meaning. The words you speak define who you are and stay with you forever. The right words, chosen very carefully, can speak straight to your soul.

There are certain books that you know, from the moment you read the first few words, that will change your life. Your heart starts to tremble, and your eyes well up in tears that won't fall because you know that this book was written for you. Intellectually you know that the author does not know you personally or know your heart - but emotionally, in your soul, you know that this book made its way to you for a reason.

I have read two "chapters" out of 108 of Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and I know, with unfailing certainty, that this book is amazing. I am already looking forward to the journey that this book will take me on. But enough of my words - time to read someone else's.

Welcome to Real Life. Please leave your previous illusions behind.

2007-06-21T10:18:00.000-06:00

It's funny how everything can change in one moment. How you can be trucking along with renewed purpose and motivation and then realize that you left the coffee pot on at a house that you haven't lived in for over a year and it caught on fire, burned the house down, and all your possessions are gone. All you have left to your name is what you're carrying, which, damn the luck, was only an extra pair of socks.

I've come to the realization very recently that I need to make some fundamental changes in my life. Small changes are easy. Changing my hair, or eating different, working out - those are relatively easy. I'm talking about me. Changing me. How I think, how I act, how I feel, what I do. I'm aware that is next to impossible. Maybe it won't be a change so much as a discovery of who I really am. Finally saying what I think, feel, what I need.

I don't know where this will take me. I imagine in some ways it will be radically different and in others rather mundane. I hope to maintain the blog through this process, but, as life has a way of doing, it may get swept away by more important things.

To those who know me and love me, please bear with me as I'm sure I'll be different in the coming months. To those who only know me through this blog (are there any?) I hope you find whatever I manage to post interesting and compelling. But if not, that's okay too. It's more for me anyway.

J

Musings at 10 pm.

2007-06-19T20:59:00.000-06:00

I'm restless.

Really restless.

I had a chance recently to visit myself. And not just any 'ol me - the best version of me. The completely confident, happy, social, at ease with life, and comfortable in her own skin version of myself. I love that me. I love spending time with her. Watching her work her magic on the people around her. She fascinates me and I wonder why she isn't around more often. What keeps her hidden? Fear? Lack of trust? Lack of faith? I feel like I've been given a glimpse of the "zen" me (for lack of a better word) and when I pass enough tests, go through enough trials in life then I will become that me. Forever.

Reflections on Delmar

2007-06-11T08:55:00.000-06:00

I had the opportunity to sit outside in front of the Starbucks on Delmar Blvd. on Saturday night for about an hour while I was waiting for a friend of mine (I think that might have been the longest sentence ever). I haven't had the chance to just watch and listen for a while and I relished the experience. I had my trusty journal with me and here's an excerpt that I wrote as I observed a portion of St. Louis:

So, I'm sitting outside Starbucks on Delmar waiting for Annie. I love the city. I love the people - so separate yet so together. I love all the sounds - piped in music, acoustic guitar from the guy at the next table, people talking, cars, buses, the guy singing with the piped in music, the sound of some other guy's razor tapping on the table (yes, there is a guy shaving outside of Starbucks).

I wonder what makes them tick. What goes on inside their heads. Like Guitar Guy - he's nicely dressed - all he has with him are his keys, coffee, and his guitar. Did he just come to Starbucks to play the guitar? Is he a businessman who spends Saturdays alone playing a guitar outside of Starbucks.

I just saw a 21 year old (at least she looks 21 ish) with a HUGE attitude walk by wearing a hot pink tissue paper veil. A bride to be? Hope she comes with a warning label!

Someone left a stack of DVDs in bin labeled "Free Box" on the sidewalk. Wonder if there's anything good.

Sitting here I can't help but think that sometimes the world is so painfully small. We rub and bump up against each other until our skin gets raw. No one can breathe deep lest they suffocate someone else.

But there are other times when we move as one unit swaying back and forth - everyone having enough space to move freely. Breathing as a team - one out the other in - suppling each other with what's needed to sustain our lives.

People just walked into a restaurant with music equipment. Are they any good? Where have they been? Do they know anyone I know?

Oh my god! A dude wearing capris. Now I've seen everything.

So, there ya go. I was feeling creative and philosophical. Here's a picture of me at the afore mentioned Starbucks. You can tell how long it's been summer by the number of freckles on my face.

Happy Friday!

2007-06-08T08:41:00.000-06:00

Good morning all.

I'm sitting on my couch, wrapped up in a blanket, mac on my lap, watching the Today show, contemplating a cup of coffee. I love days off. I love having the time to contemplate my life or what I'm having for lunch. I love wearing my pajamas all day and snuggling with my cats. I love getting up early and being productive or sleeping late and accomplishing nothing.

I think I'm in the middle of consciousness shift. You know how you go through those times in your life when you can almost feel your brain realigning? When you discover that the things that were important yesterday are not what's important today? I think that's where I am. I feel like I'm seeng things differently now - the responsibilities that previously were a waste of my time are now a means to an end - something to be accepted and dealt with. That realization makes those things easier to do and makes me a happier person while I do them.

I believe I'm more focused now and I have a sense of purpose. The funny thing is - I'm still not sure exactly what that purpose is - but I'm sure now that I have one. And I'm determined to figure out what it is.

But first, I'll start with coffee.

Podcast Update

2007-06-04T14:42:00.000-06:00

Okay - I'm a few days late on the podcast update. But I have made some progress. I got my intro music! I mixed together a little something on Garage Band. I'm pretty impressed with it. I do a little dance in my chair every time I hear it. I think I'm almost ready to go. I just need to come up with a name I like.

Coolest Street EVER!

2007-06-04T14:08:00.000-06:00

I want to live here.

Can I have some cheese with my whine?

2007-05-31T09:07:00.000-06:00

Here is it is. All my shinny new equipment just waiting for me to start recording.

I've got my copy of Podcasting for Dummies by Tee Morris and Evo Terra. I've got my glass of throat lubricating beverage. My levels are good (and how far have I come that I can say that and actually know what that means?!?!). But I can't seem to get started. I can't make myself record anything that will be released to the masses. I have stage fright!!!!

I'm such a weeny.

Okay. Tonight there will be podcast progress. And I will report back tomorrow on what I did.

And I will stop whining on my blog.

Well . . . that last one was probably a lie.

Man or Mouse?

2007-05-17T08:11:00.000-06:00

I do not love podcasting today. Today I hate it. Today, podcasting can kiss my white beeeehind!

I'm frustrated and annoyed. I have two fairly good ideas that will not stand on their own but cannot fit together. I can't decide what to call it. I can't decide who to use for file hosting (Libsyn, MWS Media, or one of the many others). One of my ideas would be WAY better if I actually had interviews - but I can't figure out Skype (I feel sooooooo dumb) and interviews are scary! My new kitten is living in my recording space so I have no where to go. All of my equipment ranges from crappy to crappier. ARGH!

These are mostly excuses, I know. Today I am crippled by the fear that I have nothing interesting to say and no one will care. Who cares if no one reads a blog? But no one listening to podcast? That's just sad.

So, I guess the question is: Am I a (wo)man or a mouse? Am I going to suffocate under the pile of excuses I've created? Or am I going to actually find some guts and make a go of it?

I guess we'll just have to see.

I still love you.

2007-05-13T18:53:00.000-06:00

Blog, I have not abandoned you.

Well . . . I have sort of. But that's only because I'm working on bigger and better things. I'm slowly but surely getting together an idea for a podcast and it's eating up every bit of my spare time. So, stay tuned and soon you'll be able to listen to me ramble on instead of reading it!

The Golden Compass

2007-05-03T10:38:00.000-06:00

Just a Geek

2007-04-28T08:18:00.000-06:00

This past Wednesday I believe I may have forever cemented my fate as a geek. To celebrate one of the 10,000,000,000 different Star Wars anniversaries the USPS created 400 R2D2 mailboxes and scattered them throughout the US. When I heard about this I knew that I had to see it there was one near me. I could think of nothing better than having my picture taken with an R2D2 mailbox!

So, this past Wednesday me and a friend set out on a epic journey throughout St. Louis in search of the elusive R2D2 mailbox. It really wasn't as difficult as I make it sound. Someone with WAY more free time than I has taken the time to list out where all the assorted mailboxes were located along with pictures (I love frapper). Turns out there are 4 mailboxes in St. Louis. On Wednesday I visited two of them.

Here are some pictures of the mailbox (and me) that is located in downtown Clayton on Central Ave:

And here is the one on Delmar Blvd. in the St. Louis Loop:

It was drizzling outside and kind of cold (for April) but this adventure was the most fun I've had in while. Go find the R2D2 near you!

My First Love

2007-04-24T08:24:00.000-06:00

I have the bug. The sickness. The addiction. The yen, if you will.

And that yen is for, of course, podcasting.

This should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me. I had fully intended this for this blog to be about all the various things in my life that make me more than a geek (hence the name, Not Just A Geek). But after calling my husband at work squealing with glee that SCOTT SIGLER and TEE MORRIS posted on MY blog he said:

"Babe, maybe you should call this thing 'Just a Geek.'"

At first I was slightly offended. But then I realized that he was right. My blog has become all about my obsession - podcasting.

Which brought me back to: Why don't I create a podcast?

But I've tried it before, very unsuccessfully in fact. But there is something about podcasting that is so alluring. It's like a compulsion. I HAVE to create a podcast. Now I need a topic. Something that will entertain myself and hopefully others for more than one episode. Think, damn me, THINK!!!

Stay tuned . . . .

Feeling Blah

2007-04-23T10:45:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling very uninspired as of late. I have a million unfinished craft projects decaying in my bright and shiny new "craft room" that came with my new house. I'd hoped to make this room a place of sanctuary and inspiration, but instead it feels like The Forgotten Realm of the Unfinisheds. All gathered into one place, the Unfinisheds have started to mock me as a group. Their jeers assault me every time I enter that purple room of doom. When I sleep at night I'm haunted by nightmares of being sewed into the bed and stabbed with knitting needles, the Unfinisheds cheering louder with every turn.

I don't know how long I can hold them back. The Unfinisheds get stronger every day. I know if I could finish one project, just one, then the madness would finally stop. I would once again be in control. The Unfinisheds would fear me and know that their fate lies in my crafty hands.

The question is . . . which one do I dare finish?

The Game that Sucked My Life Away

2007-04-12T08:31:00.000-06:00

And of course, I'm talking about World of Warcraft.

I just recently jumped on the WoW bandwagon with some hesitancy. I didn't want to become one of those geeks (you know what I mean). I'd heard all about Leeeeeeeeeroy Jennnnnkins and people who'd lost whole days to the addicting drug that is WoW and I just really didn't want to join their ranks. But slowly, like a thief in the night, WoW crept its way into my life. First infecting my friends, and then my husband.

I tried hard to resist. Many evenings I found myself sitting in the living room all alone with nothing but crocheting to keep me company while the sounds of Nate and my friends freebasing WoW drifted out of our computer room. I don't remember much from my first time - everyone was there and I just didn't want to feel left out anymore. I figured I could just play when everyone else was - no more no less. I didn't even notice as the game's slimy tentacles reached into my brain pulling me further and further into it murky depths.

Soon every bit of spare time was spent playing. I was starting to resent work, more than usual, for taking me away from the game. I found myself speaking a strange language that included words such as: aggro, crit, pally, grind, buff, tank. And I even contemplated a special keyboard arranged especially for maximum game playing efficiency. I was sick. And I needed help.

Help came in the form of moving. I have been without internet (except for at work) for four days now and I can already feel the tentacles starting to loosen their grip on my soul. It's been a rough road, but I think I'm suffering through adversity quite well. The evil man with the DSL comes on Thursday and I wonder if I'm strong to resist the pull of WoW? Or am I already a lost cause?

Is anyone out there?

2007-04-11T09:50:00.000-06:00

I originally started this blog not really caring if anyone read it or not. It was just going to be my musings on life and geekery, which it still is, but somewhere along the way I decided that I actually wanted people to read what I have to say. No more hiding in the closet of lousy self-esteem! I enjoy writing this blog and I want other to enjoy reading it.

As far as I know, the only person enjoying it is my mom (HI MOM!). Aren't moms great? They'll pick you up when you fall down, they'll tell you aren't fat when your jeans don't fit, and they'll faithfully read your blog. My mom even went so far to bring me a submission for Chocolate of Week (which will be making a triumphant return). Now, I love my mom and I'm glad she's reading my blog, but I hope to gain a wider audience.

Which brings me to: How does one gain an audience for a blog?

I've wracked my brain for the answer to this query and the only feasible solution is: Word of Mouth.

That's right. My blog success depends on you, the dutiful reader (no pressure, Mom). Tell you're friends about my blog, link me on your blog, myspace, or website (let me know you did and I'll link you too), chat about my witticisms at the office water cooler, and above all else - please comment on the blog or email to let me you're out there.

Enough shameless pandering for one day. :-)

More podcast novel goodness!

2007-04-11T08:56:00.000-06:00

While I'm pimping podcast novels, I would remiss if I did not mention the godfather of podcast novels, Scott Sigler. Scott Sigler is the master of sci-fi horror. He has, to date, released four novels into the podisphere: Earthcore, Ancestor, Infection, and currently The Rookie. Scott is famed with having the first podcast novel and has just recently gotten Earthcore and Ancestor into print (available from amazon, of course). Scott can weave an amazing tale. He has dubbed his listeners "junkies" because every episode leaves us wanting more like a crackhead looking for a fix.

Now I must be honest and say that sci-fi and horror are not my favorite genres. If I'm going to buy a book, it's usually romance, or fantasy, or some manner of non-fiction. But after hearing so many people rave about Scott's books on many different podcasts I simply had to check it out. And I was not disappointed. Scott has a way of telling a story that demands you pay attention. He is a force to be reckoned with. Scott Sigler is so entertaining as a person, I would probably listen to him read the phone book - it's just a bonus that he can tell such an amazing story.

You can find all the juicy goodness on Scott Sigler and his many novels here.

Best podcast novel EVER!!

2007-04-11T08:23:00.000-06:00

Of course I'm talking about J.C. Hutchins's trilogy 7th Son. J.C. is a master story teller and a great guy (I know first hand from exchanging a few emails with him). He started releasing the 7th Son novels in a serialized format last year with Book One: Descent and has just wrapped up Book Two: Deceit. This series literally kicks my ass!! At the end of every week's installment I find myself yelling at my iPod, "That's it?!?!?!? Don't end there!!!"

7th Son is an action packed thriller about seven clones who have to track down the person they were cloned from, the "Alpha," and stop him from hatching an insanely clever and evil plot to throw the planet into chaos and destruction. I was dubious at first - clones? But when I heard the bone chilling prologue I was officially hooked.

One of my favorite parts about 7th Son, and the podcast novel genre in general, is that the authors themselves are the ones reading the story. You are hearing it exactly as the author intended it to be. You also get the opportunity to get to know the author in a way that doesn't exist with regularly published novels. Like I mentioned in my previous post, the podcast community is a family and as such the listeners have the opportunity to email or leave voicemail for the author. Not only do I get to hear a great story, but I get to know great creative people behind it, too.

I highly recommend the 7th Son novels which you can find here. I can't say enough good things about them and about J.C. Hutchins himself. These books will have you tightly gripping your iPod in anticipation of each and every episode.

Life, Death, and Podcasting

2007-04-04T09:48:00.000-06:00

Most people who know me well know that I am a podcast . . . I guess the world fanatic would be an accurate term. I started this blog simply because I had a desire to share my thoughts with the world but am too chicken sh*t to podcast. I listen to many many podcasts and most of them are connected in one way or another. Podcasters have created this family, or sorts, and they all share promos, guest spots, and just general pimping of each one's stuff. After listening to these people for two years I feel as if I know them personally and they are my friends. I realize that sounds kind of insane and you may be thinking that I need to get out more - but there is something about listening to people share their lives, their art, their best selves with you every week. You cannot help but feel connected to them. That was one of the main reasons why I wanted to start a podcast of my own - I wanted to be an "official" part of this amazing family.

I'm waxing poetic today because the podcast family lost a dear friend, Joe Murphy. Joe participated in many different podcasts including: Slice of Sci-fi, Michael and Evo's Wingin' It, The Kick-Ass Mystic Ninjas and more. He was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma, which is a very serious, radiation and chemotherapy resistant kind of cancer. He was diagnosed four months ago and died on April 1. A very short period of time in which to lose a man who was far too young.

Some members of the Farpoint Media family put together a tribute show in Joe's honor. It was very well done and had me laughing and crying at the same time. You can listen to it here. I also highly recommend going and listening to archived episodes of the shows I mentioned above and getting to know Joe Murphy. You'll be glad you did.

A memorial fund as been set up to help defray the costs involved with Joe's care and additional donations will be directed to Leiomyosarcoma research. Please visit that site and give generously.

Joe Murphy Memorial Fund

Chocolate of the Week #2

2007-03-12T14:15:00.000-06:00

My taste buds are very happy to present this week's CHOCOLATE OF THE WEEK:

Godiva Chocoiste Solid Milk Chocolate

I was at the mall yesterday looking for a birthday present for my mom with no success - but I did manage to find the Godiva store! This store is my personal heaven. Chocolate everywhere. I was almost dizzy with all the delicious options that were available to me! But I am a woman on a budget (see my post from 3/7) and I didn't want to break the bank - even for a moment of pure chocolate bliss. Lucky for me I happened upon Godiva's new Chocoiste line of chocolate. Small affordable (just $3.17 with tax for a 1.5 oz bar) goodies with sophisticated packaging that whispers seductively, "You know you want me."

And I was not disappointed. This is a fine (like "oooh your ass if fine!") chocolate. I've only eaten one out of the four small squares that the bar is segmented into and the taste is still lingering. My craving is satisfied from one small bite - that is the mark of a good chocolate!

Godiva Chocoiste Milk Chocolate gets 7 bars!

The Good and The Bad

2007-03-12T08:47:00.000-06:00

It's Monday and I'm exhausted. It's amazing how much difference losing one hour to Daylight Savings Time makes. Just when I was starting to get used to it being light out when I woke up in the morning - it's dark again! I've had a series of fairly late nights recently which is pretty rare in my life (I'm already 80 in stamina) - add that in with everything else and it made for one zombiefied redhead this morning.

I drove to work in a complete daze, listening to the dulcet tones of Phil Rossi's podcast, Filling the Page. I just recently discovered Filling the Page so I'm playing the catch up game. This morning I was listening to a Halloween themed episode in which he told a sufficiently creepy short story called "Potbelly." The story hadn't finished by the time I had arrived in the parking lot so I sat in my car to hear the rest (the mark of a good story). The rest of my morning my mind would lazily wander back to the creepier aspects of the story and I found myself looking over my shoulder quite a few times.

So, this morning started bad but I had a good podcast to perk me up (and scare the pants right off me!) and never fear - we have another chocolate review today!! I'm most excited about this review - well really I'm most excited about eating this chocolate. So, stay tuned for the goodness.

Real Estate Madness!!!

2007-03-07T11:12:00.000-06:00

When Nate (my husband) and I decided to buy a house it was a very exciting time. We were anxious to begin the second to last stage of adulthood (the last being kids) and stop paying rent to people we hate. We had big dreams of vibrant wall color and fancy floors, new furniture and art on the walls. It was bliss . . . . for about a week.

Now we are entrenched, ass deep, in the murk and filth that is real estate. Why didn't anyone warn us? Give a heads up? A "Hey - just so you know - buying a house is probably one of the most complicated things you'll ever do - and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is that you'll be in debt for the rest of your life!"

There is so much technical lingo and jargon being thrown around I feel like we've landed in a foreign country where the language and customs are all different. Escrow, underwriters, earnest money, building inspections, appraisals, contract addendums, and fees, FEES, FEES!!!

But in the midst of all the confusion and mayhem we have done it. We have found our first house. Is it the best house? No. Do we love it? Yes. Does it need work? You bet ya! (And we're just young and foolish enough to think fixing it ourselves is going to be fun.) Is it affordable? Well, we won't have to subsist on ramen for the next thirty years but I don't think we'll be buying that yacht anytime soon.

We haven't closed yet and there's a lot of work to be done - but it already feels like our house. I'm ready to rip out some 70s shag carpet and make my mark.

Chocolate of the Week #1

2007-03-05T14:15:00.000-06:00

I've recently developed an addiction to chocolate - and not just any chocolate - fancy chocolate. My standards for fancy are pretty low right now (until recently I thought the caramel Hershey's Kiss was fancy) but I'm trying to broaden my horizons and I decided I would document it here.

So, without further ado, this week's CHOCOLATE OF THE WEEK is:

Newman's Own Organics Milk Chocolate

I'm kind of an eco-hippie as of late so I like that this chocolate is organic. But besides that, it left much to be desired. It definitely wasn't bad . . . . it was just bland. It doesn't list the cacao (the tree who's seeds are used to make cocoa and chocolate) content on the wrapper anywhere but, from the taste, I would say that it's probably fairly low. Now I must admit that I am sick so my findings could be slightly off, but over all, I give this chocolate 4 out of 10 bars (chocolate bars that is!).

Podcast Envy

2007-03-02T14:06:00.000-06:00

I suffer from a severe case of podcast envy.

I love podcasts. I'm addicted to podcasts. I want nothing else in life but to be a podcaster . . . well, that may be a little extreme - but you're getting my point, right?

I discovered podcasting about two years ago and immediately fell in love with the medium. It took about a year and half to decide that I wanted to be one of the cool kids and start my own podcast. If only I knew then what I know now.

I suck at podcasting.

I hate the sound of my voice, I talk too fast, I'm too breathy, all those things that generally make someone undesirable to listen to. I had nothing to talk about. Everything I thought was interesting was already being done and there were no new ideas bouncing around this brain.

So, my podcast career has died. Long live the Not Just A Geek podcast. But I decided to do the next best thing - A BLOG!! I'm excited about this blog. I never done a blog before and I'm not entirely sure the shape this blog will take, but I hope that a few people will find it interesting enough to read and put on the rss feeds.

I'm a pretty random person. I like lots of different things: sci-fi, video games, crafting, books of all kinds, music, theater -so this blog is probably going to be a bit of a mish mash of all that and more.

So, thanks in advance for reading this far and hopefully you'll come back to see what's new and exciting.