Self-taught vs. Classroom?

This is a debate I have with myself often. I am a learner. I find great pleasure in learning new things. But with a life chock full of responsibilities I don't have much time for classroom learning the way I used to, so I have been forced to explore other avenues of learning.

I am currently attending Ellis College. Ellis is the online portion of the New York Institute of Technology which is a typical, "brick and mortar" college with a few campuses in various locations in New York. Through lots of life circumstances (and a few bad decisions on my part) I was unable to pursue a typical college education right out of high school. Now, with a house, two cars, and various other bills, working a full time job is essential, which left me unable to attend college during the day. There are a few universities in my area that offer evening bachelors degree programs, but most them were very specialized (i.e. business) and would take me so long to do that I would be 50 before I had my degree. I decided at that point that online was my only viable option.

Online learning can either be horrible or great, depending on the institution. Ellis tries very hard to make their online learning environment as interactive as possible. It is one of the best online learning institutions that I have encountered. But, online learning still has its faults. It is a very self-motivated venture. If you are the type of person who needs someone looking over your shoulder and reminding you to get stuff done, then I do not recommend online learning.

I am also teaching myself web site design from various books. This has proven to be a much more difficult thing that I originally thought it would be. Turns out that most books on this subject are so confusing I feel like I'm reading a foreign language. I have managed to find a few that are easy to understand and I'm enjoying the progress I'm making in that area (which, in all honesty, isn't much - but you gotta start somewhere right?).

My whole point of this rambling on is this: What do you loose, from the education experience, when you don't learn in a classroom with other people and an informed instructor?

I'm wondering because I want to start practicing yoga. I need to be doing something physical and I also need to learn how to be calm and tap into the more spiritual aspects of universe. I've always been fascinated with yoga, but could never bring myself to get started. Now I'm ready to tally forth into the great blue yonder, but I have a dilemma:

Do I take a class somewhere or do I buy a book, or a DVD, or use one of the millions of free online resources?

If I take a class that will cost money. And I can probably only afford to go once or twice a week (if that) and I would have to fine time to fit that into my schedule. But I will have the benefit of motivation (I am paying for it after all) and of having someone physically there to tell me if I'm doing something wrong. If I go with one of the other approaches, it's a one time (or a no-time) cost and I can do it when it fits into my life. But I won't know if I'm doing something incorrectly or when I'm ready to move on to something more difficult. I would be at the whim of people who can't see me.

So, I can't decide what to do and that annoys me.

If I Had a Million Dollars . . . .

I love the Barenaked Ladies!!!

But really . . . . I need money.

Okay, okay. I don't need money. I would like money. There are just too many things that I want to buy right now. And it is making me INSANE!! So, I thought I would share my insanity with you and list all the things I want:

By the way, this list is not in order of desire.

1. A guitar. I want an acoustic guitar. I want this one:

It's a smaller than normal sized guitar (like my exactness there?) which is good because I'm a smaller than normal sized person. It retails $148.

2. A piano. (Can you sense a theme here?) I love music and I want to become more masterful at making music. Here's the piano I want:

It retails $399. It's not a baby grand or anything fancy. Maybe most true piano aficionados would look down at my digital dream. But I'm not a piano snob (not yet, at least) and this would make me happy.

3. Mac OS Tiger. (And you thought there was a theme) Nate's laptop recently died and I ever so graciously offered him my toshiba tablet pc. (Aren't I saint?) This means I that I have to return to my iBook G4. Not a problem really except for the fact that the hard drive is WAY to small for what I need and it's a little outdated. So, I want Tiger.

This goes for $129.

4. And finally I want an iPhone.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want an iPhone. I have dreams about this phone. This phone has been wooing me for months and now I want it!!! And of course I don't want the puny 4GB version. I want the monster 8GB version. This would set me back $599.

The grand total for all the things I want right now is . . . . WAAAAAAYYYYYY more than I have right now. :-(

But, you know . . . . my birthday is coming up soon . . . .

Holes in my head.

Have you ever been in one of those piercing/tattoo places? I went to one on Friday night and it was quite an experience. It was swarmed with people all looking to get tattooed or pierced in some fashion. It was infectious. You couldn't be in there for more than five minutes without wanting to join in the fun . . . . but maybe that's just me. So, I acted impulsively (who me?!?!) and did this:


And I love it. It doesn't hurt at all. And I might be going back for more. I love self-expression!!!!

Instantaneous Book Review

I love words. I love hearing words, reading words, and expressing words - either spoken or written. Words shape our communication, give it depth and meaning. The words you speak define who you are and stay with you forever. The right words, chosen very carefully, can speak straight to your soul.

There are certain books that you know, from the moment you read the first few words, that will change your life. Your heart starts to tremble, and your eyes well up in tears that won't fall because you know that this book was written for you. Intellectually you know that the author does not know you personally or know your heart - but emotionally, in your soul, you know that this book made its way to you for a reason.

I have read two "chapters" out of 108 of Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and I know, with unfailing certainty, that this book is amazing. I am already looking forward to the journey that this book will take me on. But enough of my words - time to read someone else's.

Welcome to Real Life. Please leave your previous illusions behind.

It's funny how everything can change in one moment. How you can be trucking along with renewed purpose and motivation and then realize that you left the coffee pot on at a house that you haven't lived in for over a year and it caught on fire, burned the house down, and all your possessions are gone. All you have left to your name is what you're carrying, which, damn the luck, was only an extra pair of socks.

I've come to the realization very recently that I need to make some fundamental changes in my life. Small changes are easy. Changing my hair, or eating different, working out - those are relatively easy. I'm talking about me. Changing me. How I think, how I act, how I feel, what I do. I'm aware that is next to impossible. Maybe it won't be a change so much as a discovery of who I really am. Finally saying what I think, feel, what I need.

I don't know where this will take me. I imagine in some ways it will be radically different and in others rather mundane. I hope to maintain the blog through this process, but, as life has a way of doing, it may get swept away by more important things.

To those who know me and love me, please bear with me as I'm sure I'll be different in the coming months. To those who only know me through this blog (are there any?) I hope you find whatever I manage to post interesting and compelling. But if not, that's okay too. It's more for me anyway.

J

Musings at 10 pm.

I'm restless.

Really restless.

I had a chance recently to visit myself. And not just any 'ol me - the best version of me. The completely confident, happy, social, at ease with life, and comfortable in her own skin version of myself. I love that me. I love spending time with her. Watching her work her magic on the people around her. She fascinates me and I wonder why she isn't around more often. What keeps her hidden? Fear? Lack of trust? Lack of faith? I feel like I've been given a glimpse of the "zen" me (for lack of a better word) and when I pass enough tests, go through enough trials in life then I will become that me. Forever.

Reflections on Delmar

I had the opportunity to sit outside in front of the Starbucks on Delmar Blvd. on Saturday night for about an hour while I was waiting for a friend of mine (I think that might have been the longest sentence ever). I haven't had the chance to just watch and listen for a while and I relished the experience. I had my trusty journal with me and here's an excerpt that I wrote as I observed a portion of St. Louis:

So, I'm sitting outside Starbucks on Delmar waiting for Annie. I love the city. I love the people - so separate yet so together. I love all the sounds - piped in music, acoustic guitar from the guy at the next table, people talking, cars, buses, the guy singing with the piped in music, the sound of some other guy's razor tapping on the table (yes, there is a guy shaving outside of Starbucks).

I wonder what makes them tick. What goes on inside their heads. Like Guitar Guy - he's nicely dressed - all he has with him are his keys, coffee, and his guitar. Did he just come to Starbucks to play the guitar? Is he a businessman who spends Saturdays alone playing a guitar outside of Starbucks.

I just saw a 21 year old (at least she looks 21 ish) with a HUGE attitude walk by wearing a hot pink tissue paper veil. A bride to be? Hope she comes with a warning label!

Someone left a stack of DVDs in bin labeled "Free Box" on the sidewalk. Wonder if there's anything good.

Sitting here I can't help but think that sometimes the world is so painfully small. We rub and bump up against each other until our skin gets raw. No one can breathe deep lest they suffocate someone else.

But there are other times when we move as one unit swaying back and forth - everyone having enough space to move freely. Breathing as a team - one out the other in - suppling each other with what's needed to sustain our lives.

People just walked into a restaurant with music equipment. Are they any good? Where have they been? Do they know anyone I know?

Oh my god! A dude wearing capris. Now I've seen everything.

So, there ya go. I was feeling creative and philosophical. Here's a picture of me at the afore mentioned Starbucks. You can tell how long it's been summer by the number of freckles on my face.

Happy Friday!

Good morning all.

I'm sitting on my couch, wrapped up in a blanket, mac on my lap, watching the Today show, contemplating a cup of coffee. I love days off. I love having the time to contemplate my life or what I'm having for lunch. I love wearing my pajamas all day and snuggling with my cats. I love getting up early and being productive or sleeping late and accomplishing nothing.

I think I'm in the middle of consciousness shift. You know how you go through those times in your life when you can almost feel your brain realigning? When you discover that the things that were important yesterday are not what's important today? I think that's where I am. I feel like I'm seeng things differently now - the responsibilities that previously were a waste of my time are now a means to an end - something to be accepted and dealt with. That realization makes those things easier to do and makes me a happier person while I do them.

I believe I'm more focused now and I have a sense of purpose. The funny thing is - I'm still not sure exactly what that purpose is - but I'm sure now that I have one. And I'm determined to figure out what it is.

But first, I'll start with coffee.

Podcast Update

Okay - I'm a few days late on the podcast update. But I have made some progress. I got my intro music! I mixed together a little something on Garage Band. I'm pretty impressed with it. I do a little dance in my chair every time I hear it. I think I'm almost ready to go. I just need to come up with a name I like.

Coolest Street EVER!

I want to live here.