Not Just A Geek: September 2007

Hello to anyone who is still checking this (all two of you).

It's been a while since I've posted anything of any substance, so I'll clue you in to what has been happening in my life.

My office expanded and relocated. My job duties also expanded. I am now the boss of five people instead of one, as before. We see many more testers in a day than we used to and I have a lot more paperwork to do. I haven't really gotten the hang of it yet. I feel like I'm always scrambling to get stuff done and each day, instead of getting more accomplished, my list of "to-dos" gets longer and longer. I hope this will change with time and I will become more comfortable and confident in my position. I also got Test Center Administrator of the Year - which is a nice pat on the back for all my hard work. I wonder if it comes with a bonus?

I'm back at church on a regular basis and it's like I never left. I'm trying not to let it consume me as much as it did before, but I'm discovering that that is hard for me to accomplish. My love for my congregation runs deep and I want to be an active participant in furthering the spiritual life of these people I care so much for. They are all family to me and I can't make myself take that step back that might save my sanity. I can only hope that as I mature and grow in my faith that I will be able to find a balance that meets everyone's needs - including my own.

My brother and his wife are having a baby. I am both equally excited and sad by this. Our relationship is not what it should be, for many reasons. There have been many missteps and bad decisions on both sides. Progress is being made, however, and I hope it continues.

My best friend is also about to burst forth life (some time in Oct). Everyone is having babies around me. Where is mine? I could not be happier for her and the little life she is creating. But I can't help but wonder if that is a path that will ever be mine? All signs are pointing to no (due to my lack, unfortunately) and a very elemental piece of me mourns that loss.

Next week is my three year anniversary with Nate. I continually find myself amazed that I am married to such a wonderful, funny person who puts up with way to much of my shit. I'm more grateful than anyone could know that I have found a person so loving, intelligent, and dedicated to spend my life with. I am not always an easy person to be with and I commend Nate for not booting me out the door yet.

School is . . . . school. I only have one more year to go and every moment is killing me. I know, deep inside, that this is something that I have to do to feel like a whole person. But the time it takes up is excruciating. Some days I feel that the only lesson I've learned is how to force myself to sit down and do something I don't want to do. And maybe that's enough. I wish it didn't cost so much though.

So, I guess that's me in a nutshell right now. Thanks to all for continuing to be my friends and support me even though I never call or email or see you. You are all more precious to me than you'd realize and at times like this (midnight on friday, sitting on my porch, feeling reflective) I cherish the fact that I am lucky enough to have people who love me in my life.

"To obtain a bird's eye is to turn a blizzard to a breeze."

I won't grossly generalize. I don't really hate the media. Perhaps I should have called this post "Why I hate Tucker Carlson." Are you asking yourselves, "Why do you hate Tucker Carlson, Jessie?" Well, my pretties, watch this:

This man is in a position of power in our national media. A man who speaks of beating someone so casually and thinks it's quite funny. It just so happens that the man that Carlson spoke of is gay. So, now civil rights people everywhere in an uproar about Carlson's "gay-bashing." I personally don't think it matters one bit whether the man was gay or not. What's important here is that now we know what kind of people are in charge of our media. It's time for some serious change here.

And now, in closing, why I love Jon Stewart: